4 times of "Are you okay?" and 6 times of "What are you thinking of?" made me feel stranger than ever. You are not the first guy who tells about my closed nature, though I never considered it a bad thing. Quite the opposite, actually. I never wanted to be a girl who talks all the time and asks what have you had for lunch. Constant talking makes people annoyed and irritated, that's my point. But maybe you are right.
- Once I was really drunk and I wanted to write to you, but I didn't.
- Why ?
- Because I didn't want to be that silly girl.
- Oh, you know, you are stupid. See, that kind of things don't work for me, I want to know what's going on in your head. You know what I thought? "Well, we met two times, she didn't seem to be attracted, and she doesn't write too often. Maybe she has no interest in me".
God, why is it so complicated? Years of evolution and technology, yet two human beings can't say to each other how they feel.
Listen, I partly told you, but I still need to write it down. I don't know what I am doing (see previous entries) and I am pretty terrified right now. With some of my guys it was pretty clear from the start, but still a bit (or not a bit) hurtful. I'm afraid that our conversations made it worse, cause we really have a lot in common, attracted to each other (I will never understand what do you find in me, but that's another story) and we both don't realise what's happening. And with you gone most of the time, I will be driven crazy.
But I'm still thankful for all the time we had and will have. Sometimes you just want to let yourself go.
Un petit peu toi et moi,
Je sais plus, je sais pas
Un petit peu toi et moi,
Et toi t'en penses quoi?